God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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