I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
