...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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