Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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