living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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