Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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