just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Damn victory sex feels great
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
