Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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