you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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