buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
