You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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