I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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