so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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