Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
