he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
