Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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