Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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