Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
