Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
