I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
