I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
MIDGETS
????
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
