Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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