He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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