I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
