I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
