and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
