You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
