His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
