I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
