Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
