she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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