I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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