spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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