Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The feeling are messing with the penis
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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