i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
