come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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