There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
