those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
