Sry I called you an 8
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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