dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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