Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
