I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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