Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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