I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
