I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wear drunk well.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
