why didn't you poke me back
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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