Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
