It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Enjoy the penises
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
