So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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