We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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