It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
